Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
