there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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