Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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