My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
