I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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