Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
