If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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