i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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