It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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