meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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