WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
