if only i could text you this smell
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
