You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
