My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
