What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
