So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
