can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
