Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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