My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize