I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
