Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
