the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
