she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
