i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
