I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
