I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
