help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize