Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize