WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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