what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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