It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
