I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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