That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
