Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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