Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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