I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
