her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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