i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
