Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
