Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
