shes about as inviting as chlamydia
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
