is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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