people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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