weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
