Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
