but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
