I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
