Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I need help removing her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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