Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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