Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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