just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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