I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
