Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
