my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize