70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
