Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
