You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
