Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
