I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wow bdsm is so cute
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