I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
