Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
