i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
