do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
