have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
