It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
