I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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