Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i drank out of a bidet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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