why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
