I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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