when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
