9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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