getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
